Got this from NSDS3.

This morning…

: “Oi! Wake up! Wake up! Reach oledi!”

 : *yawn* “You all really eat full nothing better to do. House got treadmill with super computer plus heart rate monitor you all go and hang clothes with it, then gila-gila must come to this san-ka-la place to jog.”

: “Fresh air!”

: “I see jerebu.”

: “Jerebu your head! Get up!”

Later…

: *jog* *jog*

: “Oi! This is not called jogging! This is crawling!”

: “No leng lui to see also… I go back to the car and sleep liao. Gimme the key.”

: *groan*

On the way back to car, passed by two immigrants…

: “Hmm…”

: *warm up warm up*

: *stretch stretch*

: *Ready… Get set… GOOO~~~!!!!!*

: “Huff! Puff! Huff! Puff!” *leaving immigrants eating dust*

: “Dowan to sleep liao ar?”

: “I changed my mind. Come on! MAAA~~~RCH! LEFT! LEFT! LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT! My grandmother could walk faster with a tongkat than you all!”

:

:

Google SketchUp (free) is an easy-to-learn 3D modeling program that enables you to explore the world in 3D. With just a few simple tools, you can create 3D models of houses, sheds, decks, home additions, woodworking projects - even space ships. And once you’ve built your models, you can place them in Google Earth, post them to the 3D Warehouse, or print hard copies.

母亲节比父亲节重要, 因为母亲是肯定的, 父亲不是肯定的. 现在的人喜欢劈腿, 生出来的孩子难以确定谁是父亲. 父亲可能会弄错了. 而生孩子的人一定是母亲, 做妈妈的是不会错的. — 许友彬, 南洋商报.

Translation : Mother’s day is more important than Father’s day, because you can be sure of the mother but not the father. People nowadays like to open their thighs, it’s hard to tell who is the father of the child. Father could have been mistaken. Whereas the person given birth to the child must be the mother, it won’t be wrong.

From Nanyang Siang Pau

Those of you who have been following this blog might still remember that I wrote about an emergency situation whereby you need to seek immediate medical attention - KKC caught in zip.

Today, I’m going to write about another emergency situation - ring caught in finger. I might have mentioned this before too. But no harm mentioning it again.

Why emergency? Let me give you some examples.

Have you been in a situation where you were sitting sadly and lonelily in a darkly lit pub, but suddenly there was this revelation and a beam of light shone from above, and a SYT slipped up beside you, and you quickly slid your hand between your chair and your butt to hide that ring? Have you been enjoying yourself caressing those forbidden areas when she suddenly realised you have a cold hard ring on your finger and returned you with a similarly cold hard slap across your face? And you had to go home and explain to your yellow face 黃臉婆 that there was a mosquito sitting on your cheek?

Have you been in a situation where other men treated you as a housewife instead of a symbol of lustrous desire just because of that irritating sparkling dunno-how-many-karat diamond on your finger? Or while in a blog meet, every single young man moved away from you to sit with SYTs and left you all alone with some other stinky Ah Sohs covering their BOs with cheap perfume spraying saliva and food at your face?

If you take a magnifying glass and have a look carefully at that evil object (please refer Lord of the Ring if you don’t believe me), you will soon discover big pieces of scum laden with bacteria and fungi in every nook and cranny of that ring. You can also find pieces of soap, vomitus, boogers, epithelial cells from the person you shoke hand with and of course some coagulated menstrual blood if it had come across any.

So what are you still waiting for? Get rid of that stupid ring already! Just imagine there is a method for you to get rid of this evil even if it had bound you for decades, in under ten minutes! Heavenly, ain’t it?

But how? You’ve tried with your own saliva, 30 brands of different soap, shampoo, WD40, engine oil, cooking oil, KY jelly, Astroglide and even thinking of biting off your own finger!

Do not despair. For I’m going to teach you a very simple and effective method before you head to the emergency department where they use a ring cutter.

I once removed a ring stuck around someone’s KKC with a ring cutter. I didn’t ask how the ring ended down there. It wasn’t a pretty sight. The rest of that fler’s KKC was as swollen as a gigantic button mushroom and it had some cuts here and there, bleeding, on top of that stench from of a mixture of coconut oil and other lubricants. If I remember correctly, my assistant said something about minyak gamat too. But that’s another story.

But with this method, you can excuse yourself for just a few minutes into the toilet and have your ring flushed down the toilet before you can even finish saying ‘Lord of the Ring’.

This method, is what every medical student learn during their first year surgery. I think they should teach this as first lesson into medical school and have a major of it in every final exam. Yes, this is how important it is. Now I’m going to teach you, for free! And may it benefit you for the rest of your life!

But please note that if you have or suspected that you have a certain medical condition like Buerger’s disease (no, not McDonald disease though he’s a sick fuck), please seek a second opinion before you attempt this stunt. If you have Buerger’s, you should not have worn any ring or anything that might constrict blood flow to your extremities in the first place anyway! I shall not be held responsible if half way through, your finger starts turning black or drop off or something.

To start with, find a piece of string. Dental floss would be good if you can’t find fishing thread or some suture material like silk. But as long as it has good tensile strength and doesn’t break off easily, you are set to go ahead.

Slide one end of the thread through the ring, between the ring and your finger, obviously. Leave the distal end (towards the tip of your finger) long and the proximal end (the part closer to palm) short. Next, wind the string round and round around that finger towards the tip. You won’t have to wind it as dense as the illustration below, which might take hours (your finger might suffer ischaemia or worse, your victim might have fed up of waiting and run away). Gaps of 2mm should be sufficient.

Slowly unwind the string from its proximal end (the part nearer to the palm), pulling it towards the tip. The ring would slide towards the tip slowly as you unwind.

Repeat the process until you set your finger free and yourself to freedom!

There you go! Emergency situation solved.

No, you don’t have to thank me. This is just another community service brought to you by drliew.net. Please spread this news, you will be earning good karmas in the process. If you are a medical student, please read up on Buerger’s disease before your lecturer, who reads this blog too, come out with a surprise exam tomorrow.

What? Your other half realised you’ve lost your ring and started questioning you? Okay lah, 送佛送到西 (send Buddha must send all the way to the west) … Tell them you have finally decided to get rid of that unhygienic piece of crap (not even worth donating to World Wildlife Fund or World Wrestling Federation) and you already have him/her in your heart and that you won’t need something so hideously materialistic to remind you of your holy love towards him/her.

Kapish?

Idiot : “There’s some error with the PC.”

Dr. Liew : “What kind of error?”

Idiot : “It said some error save…”

Dr. Liew : “What do you mean?”

Idiot : “I don’t know.”

Dr. Liew : “Next time when you see an error, copy the message down word-by-word, can? If possible, use the same kind of font.”

Idiot : “…”

Dr. Liew : *boot up PC* “WTF? Since when you installed ‘Error Safe’ into this PC?”

Idiot : “…”

Dr. Liew : “What? Are you deaf or dumb? I just asked you a question!”

Idiot : “…”

Dr. Liew : “Where did you get it from?”

Idiot : “Yahoo.”

Dr. Liew : “Give me one damn good reason why you installed it?”

Idiot : “I think it can clean virus.”

Dr. Liew : “If I were to tell you to stick a baseball bat up your ass because it can clean virus, will you do it?”

Idiot : “…”

Dr. Liew : *uninstall* *run Spybot S&D* *clean registry* “Tell me one damn good reason why I should not ban you from using computer.”

Idiot : “I’m doing your income tax.”

Dr. Liew : “Use a calculator.”

Idiot : “…”

Dr. Liew : *updating virus signatures* “You still need to use this PC?”

Idiot : “Err… Nope.”

Dr. Liew : “Your toilet time is up. Go shit. Don’t come out until I tell you so.”

Idiot : *run to toilet*

From: Sunil Pillai
Newsgroups: tmnet.communities
Subject: Newsgroups down
Date: Mon, 01 May 2006 14:15:15 +0800

Let this be on record here…

Sun 30 Apr 2006

The tmnet newsgroups seems to have been down since some time yesterday. I called 9515 today to ask about it.

The conversation goes something like this:

Me: I want to find out if the tmnet newsgroups are not working, since I cannot access it.
[... usual request for name, username etc etc ..]
Support: Hold on, I will check.
Support; You are using your browser?
Me: No, I am using FreeAgent newsreader
Support: So you cannot access the E-News (or E-Browse) news
Me: No, not the online news. The tmnet newsgroups.  Like tmnet.communities, tmnet.marketplace
Support: What are you using?
Me: FreeAgent… Do you know what newsgroups are?
Support: No
Me: Pass me to someone who does… pass me to your supervisor.
Support: Hold on
[... supervisor comes on the line, introduction etc...]
Supervisor: So you are trying news.tm.net.my right? It is taking very long for it to load here also.
Me: It is not taking long to load, it does not load at all.
Me: Don’t your people know what newsgroups are?
Supervisor: That is under tmnet, not Streamyx
Me: What?
Supervisor: Did you call 1515?
Me: What for? 1515 is for dialup, right. I am a Streamyx user. I call 9515 for problems. Anyway, isn’t it all under tmnet?
Supervisor: Yes, I will check on this and call you back.
[... taking down details etc...]
Me: It is disgraceful that you are providing Internet services and your people don’t even know what newsgroups are.
Supervisor: I will bring this up to the relevant people.
Me: Ok, please call me at 2pm.
[...3pm, I call again, supervisor out for lunch...]
[...4pm, I call again..]
Supervisor: Technical says its is congestion and so it is very slow.
Me: It is not slow, it cannot be accessed.
Supervisor: You can ping the server, so it is working.
Me: Just because you can ping the server does not mean that the service is working. What are your technical people doing about this?
Supervisor: Did you call the Product dept?
Me: What product dep?
Supervisor: 1500.
Me: Ie don’t know that number. Since I’m a Streamyx user, I call 9515.
Supervisor: That number is for products and services. We deal with connection etc.
Me: Ok, I’ll try.

[... I call 1500...]
20 mins or so spent on talking to a couple of people who don’t seem to understand the problem. Asking me which browser I use, whether I am using Outlook Express etc. I say I am using FreeAgent newsgroup reader. What address am I using to connect? Well, news.tm.net.my to access the server. No, no that is the setting, hold on, blah blah blah. I am finally told to call 9515 and ask for technical on Tuesday because tomorow is a holiday. I can at least understand that the 1500 is for products and services, and they are not for technical problem. Why did the 9515 supervisor ask me to call them in the first place?

[... I call 9515...]
I ask for technical or the manager. After about 30 mins on the phone, 20 mins of which I listened to the on-hold music and after listening to some nonsense about webmail and another user having same problem of not receiving email etc etc, I finally get my demand of speaking to the manager.

The manager was much better and after telling him the above and that his people needed to be educated on the services they are supposed to be providing, I ask him what  the problem is. He had already emailed the relevant depts and they say it is some network issue etc etc.

It took me 6 hours for someone to finally give me a sensible anser. These are VADS call center personnel being outsourced by TMNet. I wonder how much are the charges, because anything is too much for the poor level of support that is being provided.

The manager says he will call me back if there is any update as he is on duty till midnight. I don’t hear anything from anyone…

Mon 01 May 2006

I call 9515 again. Is there any progress. I have to speak to the support again and be put on hold again. The same old thing. I request to speak to the supervisor. A different one this time. Yes, they have the report, but it appears nothing has been done. No one can tell me what the problem is or how long it will take to fix. They will check with the manager’s report from the previous night  and see what can be done.

All this while I keep saying to let me speak to a real technical person who can understand what the problem is and can get it fixed. No amount of reports etc going up and down is of any use if it is not sent to the right person.

The supervisor said that he will contact the technical department and someone will call me back shortly. At 1pm, another supervisor calls me. I explain everything again. I ask again to talk to a technical person. I tell the supervisor what the problem is. Just get a tehnical person to check the news.tm.net.my server. This supervisor tells me that the technical depart will contact me soon.

During all these explanations of the newsgroup problem, I have been asked what browser I use, do I use Outlook Express, about webmail, e-news, BlueHyppo etc etc. It really appears that they don’t know what newsgroups are.

I spoke to 9 different people…., I only needed to speak to 1 correct technical person and this would have been resolved. But the support has got a fantastic firewall to prevent us from getting through to the right person…

I have just received a call from a technical person asking me whether it is working. Yes, it is. It started working about 2pm or so. So, their technical department must have finally got around to fixing the problem.

Well, at least now there are 10 people in the support who have heard of newsgroups, who now know of the existance of a TMNet news server….