Contrast
W says: 印尼人來了, 家裡的東西不見了. 越南人來了, 街上的狗兒不見了. 中國妹來了, 家裡的男人不見了. 非洲人來了, 馬來妹跟著跑了.
W says: 黄燕燕来了, 咕咕叫死了.
doc says: LOL
doc says: let me quote this
W says: 印尼人來了, 家裡的東西不見了. 越南人來了, 街上的狗兒不見了. 中國妹來了, 家裡的男人不見了. 非洲人來了, 馬來妹跟著跑了.
W says: 黄燕燕来了, 咕咕叫死了.
doc says: LOL
doc says: let me quote this
So I was looking up and down for that particular item when an Ah Beng called out to me and thrusted the promotional booklet in front of my face.
Ah Beng : “Leng zhai, want to buy handphone? Veli cheap!”
Bad move. Very bad move.
I remember the item that I wanted is printed back to back on the page with the promoted handphones. So I grabbed the clear folder that he was holding out against my face and pulled out the promotional booklet slowly.
Ah Beng : “No need to pull out ler! Can see clearly from here!”
Then I flipped over the page and as expected, the item that I wanted was at the back of that page.
Dr. Liew : *pointing at the said item* “I want this. Where is it?”
Ah Beng : *dumbfounded* “Oh, this one. You can only get this in Mid-Valley.”
Dr. Liew : “Are you sure?”
Ah Beng : “Yes. You can only get it in Mid-Valley.”
Dr. Liew : “Are you bluffing me?”
Ah Beng : “No.”
Dr. Liew : “But I came here to look for this 2 days ago. They said they don’t have stock. I carved them a new asshole. And yesterday, they called me to inform me that it’s in stock. And I’m here looking for it. And you tell me it’s only available in Mid-Valley? Are you sure?”
Ah Beng : *gulp* “Erm… I’m not in-charge of that.”
Dr. Liew : “Then why are you telling me that it’s only available in Mid-Valley?”
Ah Beng : “…”
Dr. Liew : “Are you trying to bluff me just to make yourself look less stupid?”
Ah Beng : “…”
Dr. Liew : “If you don’t know anything about this, just keep quiet. Nobody will say you are dumb.”
Ah Beng : *act deaf*
Later…
Mr. R : “Let’s look at the DIY section.”
Dr. Liew : *point point point* “This Ah Beng here told me it’s only available at Mid-Valley.”
Ah Beng : *stoop head real low trying to dig hole to bury self*
Mr. R : “He is not even our staff! He’s from Novacell.”
Dr. Liew : “Should I spare his life?”
Mr. R : “Up to you.”
Dr. Liew : *whip out digital camera* “Hello there! Smile!”
Ah Beng : *cover face running away*
Dr. Liew : *click* “Awww… Shucks! I only got his backside!”
December 22nd, 2007. 18:48:54. Number +60390516000. A female voice from customer care called up. Apparently the item that I requested has arrived and available at the store.
December 23rd, 2007. Evening.
At information counter, after 2 rounds of searching up and down…
Dr. Liew : “Excuse me, R. I was informed yesterday that the item I requested two days ago has arrived. But I couldn’t find it anywhere.”
So Mr. R, the sales manager, went looking up and down for two rounds, with me following…
Not found.
Mr. R proceeded to call almost every other staffs on both his walkie-talkie and his handphone, but to no avail.
No stock. The stock has not arrived, even if it’s already the third day into the said promotion.
Dr. Liew : “Cut the crap! How would you like to die?”
Mr. R : “Please please please! It’s not my fault! It’s really not my fault! I didn’t call you up to inform you that the stock is here.”
Dr. Liew : “Should I take out the left kneecap first or the right one?”
Mr. R : “Please please please! Have mercy! The customer care shouldn’t have called you. They should inform us and we should be the one to inform you when the stock is here!”
Dr. Liew : “Any last words for your immediate family members?”
Mr. R : “Please please please! I beg you! This is not even our item! It’s a consignment item. Meaning we let them have the place to sell their stuffs. And the responsibility is not even ours!”
Dr. Liew : “But it’s printed on your promotional booklet, and you didn’t even take the effort to put up a notice saying the particular item is out of stock. In fact, you are selling blanks! You should go to jail!”
Mr. R : *wet pants* “Ampun Tuanku! Ampun Tuanku! My family needs me!”
Dr. Liew : “Maybe they should follow you!”
Mr. R : “Noooo~~~!!! I’m not even the original sales manager here! I’m merely transferred here for one month only! Let me get the original sales manager Mr. H for you…”
Dr. Liew : “Oh! Of course! The more the merrier! I haven’t enjoyed a good massacre since a very long time.”
So both Mr. R and Mr. H came to the conclusion that I have been misinformed by customer care.
And I called up the customer care again.
Mr. K answered the call and promptly lost both of his cojones (Yay! New vocab!). He promptly pulled Miss J into a conference call. Miss J was in tears and trembling with fears over the phone. They checked through the call log. On December 22nd, 2007, 18:48:54, the log has only 2 words : Customer informed.
Anyhoot, just so that I don’t go home empty handed this time, they gave me these, free of charge, in exchange for their lives, and for wasting two hundred-kilometer trips, for an item worth MYR 19.90.
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?!?!
So I saw an item on a promotion booklet - Pesta Alat-alat Elektrik - 21 Dec 2007 to 6 Jan 2008. Just the item that I was looking for. An emergency charger taking in a single AA cell to charge almost every electrical gadget around. You will just need an adapter for the device concerned, which I have plenty. With a single AA cell, you will never run out of juice on your handphone, PDA, MP3 player, GPS devices etc.
And yesterday was the first day of the promotion period.
Holding the said booklet tightly in my hand, I drove a hundred kilometers yesterday to the nearest store, enduring hours of traffic jam on my way. After parking my Enzo, I dashed to the electrical appliances section, looking up and down for it.
Not found.
Looked again, 3 big rounds, everywhere. And considering how big the store is, it’s not easy to do 3 rounds.
Not found.
Troubled, I went to the information counter. Some makciks were waiting for some free gifts to the items they have just purchased. My turn came 5 minutes later. After listening to my problem, the staff from information counter called up Mr. D via a walkie-talkie to assist me in looking for the item. Another 5 minutes, Mr. D turned up. After another 5 minutes of flirting with the information counter girl, and me coughing for attention repeatedly to break up their foreplay, Mr. D turned to me. I told him I couldn’t find the item stated in the booklet. Mr. D told me I should look under the DIY section.
I told him I’ve been there, done that and swiped the toilet roll. I insisted that he show me personally. But he then told me to look for it under electrical appliances section. I told him I’ve been there, done that too, three times in fact, and left a soiled condom.
He then gave me the excuse that he is not in charge of the DIY section. So I told him to bring me to the staff in charge. He then told me he doesn’t know who is in charge and I insisted that he call up the store manager to find out.
His erection went down immediately and stormed off to the DIY section. I followed. He tried to walk very fast. But unfortunately for him, although he has relatively long legs, mines are longer!
Arriving at the DIY section, he started looking for the item left, right and center.
Not found.
So he decided to go back to the electrical appliances section to use the phone to call up another staff. On our way, another customer stopped him, bent him over and shove his big fat dick into his asshole. Apparently he wanted to buy a TV and couldn’t find anyone to attend to the matter. Another few big dark foreigners with curly hairs stopped him to enquire about something else too. And I can tell you you would rather get sodomised for real than to be in his position.
Having enjoyed watching his sexual ordeals with other customers, we arrived at the phone. He placed the call but nobody picked up at the other end. I think he was also almost at the end of his life line. He kept cursing in his native language into the mouthpiece. And finally, Mr. L was seen dragging out some other stocks from the storeroom. He stopped Mr. L and informed him of my problem.
Mr. L told him the stock hasn’t arrived. There’s nothing he can do.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
So I got their names and told them I work for a local media. And I am going to expose this incident.
Then they started purging.
Staffs : “Ini company memang majiam ini mia lar… Kami sudah manyak kali kena diu customer lor… Tiap-tiap minit pun ada orang diu…”
Dr. Liew : “Kesian punggung… Kalau majiam ini, suruh manager tutup kedai, gulung tikar, balik kampung lar!”
Staffs : “Minta Tuan faham lah, kami ini kichimiao saja, mana berani mau buat bising. Tuan pigi buat bising kat bos lar…”
They started calling me ‘Tuan’… Haihs…
So I decided to bring this matter towards the proper channel.
Found on the last page was a telephone number : 1-300-88-2939. Customer careline. I made my next move.
J attended to my call. I told her I was holding the promotion booklet in my hand and I couldn’t find the item being promoted despite it being the first day of the promotion period. She promptly directed me to the information counter. This time, I told her I already bukakked there.
She finally got clever and resorted to check on the inventory on her computer. And she discovered that the supplier defaulted. Apparently they were promised that the stock would arrive on the 20th, one day before the promotion start but it’s now late.
I told her I don’t care if the supplier suddenly got ran over by a lorry or had to attend to an unforeseen funeral of an immediate family member. The least they could do is to put up a notice informing their customers the said item is out of stock. Better still, made sure they are well stocked before handing out their promotional booklets. Or at the least, their staffs should be well informed. They shouldn’t have let their staffs and customers running around like fools. Having traveled a hundred kilometer, wasting hours, just to be told that the item worth MYR 19.90 doesn’t even exist in the first place!!!
She advised me to go to the information counter to fill up some request form so that they can inform me when the stock arrive. I told her that won’t be necessary unless the store manager can deliver the said item to me personally when the stock arrives. She said she will see what she can do about it.
I told her I would expose this scam of her company to fool its customers, promoting items that are non existent, to underhandedly bring down the sales of their rivals. She told me that, putting her feet in my shoes, she would do the same. I thanked her for the encouragement after asking if her feet smell as nice as mine because I only allow nice courteous girls with a sweet voice like her, and with nice smelling feet to put theirs into my shoes.
After hanging up my phone, I filled up the request form accordingly. And my phone rang.
RPCNs : “Doc, are you done yet? We are ready to checkout.”
Dr. Liew : “No. Put everything back. We are not going to buy anything.”
RPCNs : “But but but… Your chicken wings? Your dory fillet? Salted butter, Haagen-Dazs icecream…”
Dr. Liew : “Put them back! Put them all back!!! Or better still, leave them all at the checkout counter. We are going home empty handed.”
RPCNs : “What happened?”
Dr. Liew : “Do as I say or you can take the next taxi home yourselves!”
RPCNs : *gulp* “Yes, doc!”
And RPC team left.
On our way back…
RPCNs : “What happened, doc?”
Dr. Liew : “Let’s just say there will be so many dead bodies tomorrow that all the coffin shops in Malaysia will run out of stock! And me going nuclear will make Peter Petrelli look like an Ah Kua, not that he isn’t already one. But this will help him make up his mind to finally go for that sexual reassignment surgery that he has always wanted.”
RPCNs : *gulp* *gulp* *gulp*
Fuck!
If you happen to work with them. Quit now now NOW!
If you happen to know any relatives or friends working with them, tell them to quit immediately. Otherwise the collective curses they receive from their customers might land on them, or worse, their immediate family members or close friends, which might happen to be YOU!
This is a very serious community message from drliew.net.
If you want to know which company I am talking about, feel free to call up their customer careline to find out.
Someone even told me : “This one biasa lah… Everyone knows… They are like that one…”
And so I decided to, hopefully, put a stop to this kind of dirty scam, once and for all. To top it off, even their own staffs are spitting on their upper managements.
So walk with me.
Thank you.
Your beloved,
doc
By this, she,